i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
