just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
