Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
