I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
