And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
