Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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