I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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