I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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