He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I will pee on everything he values.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
