no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
