my phone cant type all the emotion im having
This house was built for laser tag.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
