you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
