so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just had sex bonerless
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
