Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
