My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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