Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
