So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize