I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
