once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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