I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Hippo gnu deer
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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