it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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