for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
