"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize