if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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