I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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