We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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