Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
