Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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