I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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