one might say we're banned from that church
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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