While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
