WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
