Im at strip club and am horny
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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