My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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