mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
