youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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