my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
