Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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