the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ketchup is God's man juice
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just pee around me
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
