In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
