OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
