the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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