I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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