I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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