I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
