I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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