"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
my liver is dry heaving
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
