there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
