I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
