He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
