okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
