allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
