is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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