you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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