Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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