Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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