Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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