my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
At least life still wants to fuck me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
