she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
