Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Randomize
