I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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