I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
