i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
