Can Purell be used as lube?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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