I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
