ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
