he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
