The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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