need another drink. this is the easiest way
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Never underestimate the power of titties
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
