We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
