I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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