I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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