She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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