woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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