I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize