wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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