Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
