I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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